Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
