I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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