A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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