Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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