I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
