You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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