checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
