I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
