Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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