She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
