Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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