my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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