She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
