eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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