apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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