My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
