Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
