This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
