I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I deserve this hangover.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
