There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
