no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize