is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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