Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
