Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think your dad took our porno
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
