Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
