i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
