Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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