Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
