I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
