His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
