and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
