Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
