Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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