I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
