the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
