so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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