She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
