Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
