when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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