he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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