Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
