if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
