I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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