Betty ford says i'm here all night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize