Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
