I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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