i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
