Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
