No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
