before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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