Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
