You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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