The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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