my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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