6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
