I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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