i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
