Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
cat food counts as protein by the way
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize