I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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