That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
