An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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