Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize