I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
operation harelip BJ is a go
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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