did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize