she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
