Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
