hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i've created a new STD.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
