she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
