girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
