She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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