Small penises have feelings too.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
