I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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