i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
