I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
