mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
