Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
