btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
