i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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