we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize
