but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
