Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am mentally ready for anal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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