I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
