Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We're too hungover to prance.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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