Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize