Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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