K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
