now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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