OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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