I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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