i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
