I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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