I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
