she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
