She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
